Plaude Crack Fic Collection
by Vancome
Summary: A collection of one shot drabbles that are all Plaude Crack!fics. Involves pidgeons, Plaudeness, manpurse love, bastards with sticks, Shakespearean prose and much more to come. Courtesy of DrabbleMatic and my twisted mind. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Hokai, first Heroes fic and it's a crack!plaude, oh where have my ficcing morals gone to? Prolly out the window with the scarred-for-life pidgeons on the Deveuax roof. Heh...you know Peter and claude got it on up there at leats ONCE! Anyways, here's Plaude!crack drabble for your enjoyment

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**The Purple Terror Of The Snow**

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It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Claude and Peter went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Claude hit Peter in his head with a big weird iceball. It hurt a lot, but Claude kissed it sappily and then it was all better. 

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really insane snow man!" Claude said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Peter said. "That would be more creepy and politically correct."

"I know," Claude said. "We can make a snow pidgeon. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up huskily and made a long snow pidgeon. Claude put on a stick for the leg. The pidgeon was almost as big as Peter.

"It looks talkative," Claude said speedily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Peter said and held up a strong purse. "I found this on the roof." He put the purse onto the pidgeon's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the pidgeon, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a man who loves a purse too much to turn invisible and hide it from the world.

Peter screamed happily and ran but the snow pidgeon chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow pidgeon whacked him angrily.

"Nobody does that to my little Invisible Bangs," Claude screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow pidgeon through the big toe. It fell down and Claude kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Peter said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The purse lay in the yard until a bloody child picked it up and took it home.

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I usually don't post things like this but the line " Nobody does that to my little Invisible Bangs" was just begging to be published. Hope you enjoyed it, reviews are cookies! If I get enough i might just make some more Plaude!crack. God knows it was fun 


	2. Peter and Claude  By Shakespeare

Heres another Plaude!crackfic, but only because smarmy-ass-bitch asked so nicely :)

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**Peter and Claude**

by William Shakespeare

_Enter Peter_

_Claude appears above at a window_

**Peter:**  
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?  
It is the wall, and Claude is the poodle.  
Arise, black poodle, and kiss the glowy purse.  
See, how he leans his ankle upon his head!  
O, that I were a glove upon that head,  
That I might touch that ankle!

**Claude:**  
O Peter, Peter! wherefore art thou Peter?  
What's in a name? That which we call a neck  
By any other name would smell as invisible  
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like an invisible bastard that likes beating up people on a roof to work out his own anger and trust issues"  
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,  
Thou mayst prove forceful.

**Peter:**  
Swain, by yonder glowy purse I swear  
That tips on a leash the strong bangs--

**Claude:**  
O, swear not by the purse, the angsty purse,  
That haughtily changes in its hard orb,  
Lest that thy love prove likewise hard.  
Sweet, strange night! A thousand times strange night!  
Parting is such shiny sorrow,  
That I shall say strange night till it be morrow.

_Exit above_

**Peter:**  
Sleep dwell upon thine ankle, peace in thy head!  
Would I were sleep and peace, so gracefully to rest!  
forcefully will I to my black neck's cell,  
Its help to kiss, and my invisible neck to tell.

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Aha, that was fun :P Just another side note, I don't actually write these completely. I fill in certain words and a drabble is created for me. It's like madlibs for crack fics! Again, reviews are lovely. They encourage me to make more of these :P  



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